I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the
street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy
I stole it from."
-- David Letterman
The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is
their husband.
-- Joan Rivers
Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the
Christmas spirit.
-- Frank McKinney Hubbard
From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary
to invent it.
-- Katharine Whitehorn (Roundabout, 1962)
You know you're getting old, when Santa starts looking younger.
-- Robert Paul
I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying,
toys not included.
-- Bernard Manning
Hey Santa, how much for your list of naughty girls?
-- Anonymous
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere
else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa
Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
-- W.C. Fields
I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department
store, and he asked for my autograph.
-- Shirley Temple
Even before Christmas has said Hello, it's saying 'Buy Buy'
-- Robert Paul
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere
else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa
Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
-- W.C. Fields |